Gaming, & Depression/Anxiety Vol. 3

Uh, disclaimer? I put up the 23rd of January’s G&DA Volume a bit late, like the 24th late… in the morning, oops.


I’ve honestly had few thoughts this morning, here’s a small list just to show you how my brain’s been working…
Eheh, here.
– Pokemon, yeah… I randomized a ROM… Cool, no..? Okay…
– Que, & you? I guess it’s an old thing.
– This whole VCL thing shouldn’t have been in the title to the game, it’s a genre I thought…
– Uh, the Wii controller, you know without the analog portion, I think it could control GBA games!
– Why… It’s like cool and all but the arenas are bland sometimes.

This would be a basic rundown of my thoughts as I’ve been sorta sitting awake modifying Pokemon Fire Red and adding games to the PlayStation 3 w/FileZilla FTP.
Oh, if you haven’t and you have a CFW PlayStation 3. FileZilla, it takes a tad bit longer than adding games to the Flash Drive and putting them on the system by hand but I mean you’re also just dumping them into the systems files, how can you beat that?

So this wouldn’t be an actual G&DA if I didn’t talk about gaming, right? Well, I did a bit, does that count?

By the way this is written you’d think; “Oh, he seems like he’s in a good mood this morning!
When really it’s basically me being empty-headed and running off the gas in my mind, basically empty space that makes you think the stuff in small bites.
So, with that being explained some. I’ve been playing this game this morning…
An Infogrames/Atari project that was meant to be an early PlayStation 2 vehicular combat game, it came out around the same time as Twisted Metal Black and got overlooked heavily.
Motor Mayhem – PlayStation 2

If you’re anything like me you like to use GameFAQs a lot, maybe more than safe. You try and find hidden PlayStation games for all their systems that just never got bloomed into the brightness of the popularity of the system. Be it because it was budget and budget games were heavily skipped over back in this time, or maybe the cover art wasn’t inviting, you maybe even looked at it as said; “Another FlatOut or Rumble Racing clone, it looks like a boring rip-off, haha…
Actually, you’d be farther from what the game is! Shocking!

Here, read this! 
In the future, technology will let humankind do a great number of amazing things. Diseases will be cured. Wars will be averted. Science will advance. A better tomorrow brings the promise of great things…most importantly, the advent of metallic death by way of vehicular combat of devastating intensity and furious tenacity!

I mean, even the PlayStation Official Site struggles to tell you what is in a matter of five seconds!
Jeez, nothing more worse could happen to this poor game with how bad the marketing was, how it had a competitor than I would assume it didn’t try and or want to compete with. Websites don’t explain it, YouTube doesn’t have reviews, IGN kindly took a shit in a cup of coffee and handed it to the game for the wrong reasons, and lastly nobody has provided anything positive on the ends of why this game is actually worth seeking out!

Let’s give this game the “review” it deserves!

I’ll save you the twenty paragraph review and boil it down to the basics! It’s fun, however, if you come from Twisted Metal Black and expect it to a game chasing the darkside of what it had to offer you’d be safer just walking away or trying to put that out of your mind.

What you SHOULD expect from Motor Mayhem (VCL Motor Mayhem)

Charcters, & Character Story
– Bland, the games of way of trying to formulate a character background took a simple route of trying to go by some silly newpaper headline and just didn’t do a good job explaining anything.

Graphics – There’s a nicely done 3D space for this game, while not seeming realistic, the games saved itself by going with curved designs to vehicles, bright to shaded color combos with an overall 3D futuristic sort of look that would age decently.
Arenas, however, can suffer like older Twisted Metal games, some textures are blurry or too detailed. This leading to blurry images on some objects though they were easy to overlook.

Gameplay, The Shining Point Of This Game! – Once you actually look past what everyone else has dug into this game reveals itself more and more.
This game may not be anything like Twisted Metal Black but fans of the earlier party-style combat and gameplay will have something here to really dig their teeth into.
Being a simple car combat arena based game it may feel more like Twisted Metal 4 to you. This is what the driving, combat, & control reminds me of.

Arena Notes – This is important to any Twisted Metal fan!

Arena – Mayan Temple
“Personal notes Mayan Temple is one of my favorite arenas so far in the limited game you get. It contains everything from hidden hallways, back routes, and my favorite inclusion I often don’t see anymore, doom rooms. (An area you can go to pick up powerups but take damage from lava, ice, water, etc). 
None of the maps are going to scream Twisted Metal at you as they’re all given their own futuristic flow but I was taken back to the playground of Twisted Metal Small Brawl with the layout. I think it was the climbing aspect that really screamed at me and reminded me where the inspiration came from.”

Arena – Space Station
“Personal notes
Space Station being the blandest arena of them all really gives off the impression that someone got bored during development and really took a liking to their soda, forgetting what their job was
Mini Nukes are a weapon found here, they make gameplay a little more exciting for the experiences you’ll have on this map but overall there isn’t much to say.”

Arena – Aircraft Carrier
“Personal notes
– A very long range map with glitchy textures that will glitch you out sometimes.
That said, this was definitely another map I started to slowly fall in love with, a lot of maps claim to be “Large” in the game but offer a medium to mid-range fight. This has a place to cover from the onslaught going on around you, plenty of cover spots.
Strange to say it but Aircraft Carrier much resembles the likes of Gridiron Gore from Twisted Metal: Small Brawl.

This is a simple overview/review. 
Again, totally sorry for things being uploaded and or written a bit late, I guess laziness has had an effect on that.

I finished this at 12:44 in the afternoon, sheesh. It’s taken this long because of short depression periods beckoned from my job.
Hopefully you guys enjoyed the simple review, peace out!


Gaming, & Depression/Anxiety Vol. 2


1/23/2018 – PlayStation, & Old Computers?!

Today’s topic branches into me thinking a lot about future proofing classic PlayStation gaming, my heart, soul, love, & favorite company.

This blog is purely dedicated to my opinions on the fucked up side of depression, & social media, but it’s also my blog to ramble about gaming.

I argue to be a bigger fan of physical than digital though as using more homebrew systems to play my games has slowly converted my mind to something a tiny bit different.

CFW! Custom Firmware, the thing I see changing how long into the future we can reserve our consoles.

So let me explain.
The idea of instead taking a disc and installing it to the hard drive to play it, like you would on an old PC it’s reliable. So what if the disc isn’t in constant use, using the disc a ton could cause ringing on the disc which isn’t pretty for anyone who wants to reserve their games.

I recommend people using this concept instead as I’m almost positive that we aren’t far from a PlayStation 1, & 2 repro console.

I don’t really have a retro game to recommend, well… wait.
I guess I’ll put one up and talk about how good it was.

Twisted Metal: Head On, & Twisted Metal: Head On: Extra Twisted Edition – PlayStation Portable/PlayStation 2

This game was a game originally released for the PSP.
I remember playing it a few times, not to the max though.

The game had been stuck in my head as I’m remembered something of Spectre (In-game character) being inside some sort of sports arena fighting with Warthog.
If you like Twisted Metal 2 this came as sort of a revision to me, you know? A what would happen. I hate Dark Tooth or whatever code name they’d given him in Twisted Metal 2 as he was my worst nightmare of that game, but come on!

Hooking this up to an old school CRT TV really makes this game pop to life.
I remember this being my preferred game while also remembering Twisted Metal: Black being the darkest game to date and adding so much more explanation to the story.

Arguably some of the featured maps aren’t as memorable as ones like London, Ney York, & all those from the originals you’ve seen pop up time and time again.

Cue the ending and I’ll call it here, no music for now but certainly a fun post this was.
Peace out!

RPGs, & Depression/Anxiety Vol. 1

So as I said yesterday, I talked about doing daily posts which is going to be what I do as I cut everything away from me. Social media is full of pervs, cancerous people, and it’s spreading like a disease.
What can you do? Play an RPG!

So today I wanna highlight a Tactical RPG that really helped me drain negative thoughts away, and helped me fix myself up.

Project X Zone – Nintendo 3DS

During this period I was fighting off a friendship that had crumbled apart because of some events she had going on with a guy she was dating, if there’s anything I hate more it’s being trapped in a triangle. Love, Lover, & ‘Solution-er’? I guess we can settle for that. The reason I’d picked this up was not only because it’s an RPG you can interact with, pretend to beat your emotions out and so forth, but at the time I was going through and combining characters from series in my head, googling them, seeing if someone had maybe made a fan fiction.
This conversation on GameFAQs had popped up about a guy who was in the middle of fighting with his ex, prepping his house to move her out, and breaking down every night. He talked about how the genre of games called Beat Em’ Ups had been his crutch, a way to pretend this was the person who was aggravating him. Then he mentioned a Resident Evil X-over with Devil May Cry. Ya know, sometimes I wish I was around when these conversations were fresh so I wasn’t ensuing what had been said before the conversation. He mentioned Project X Zone, a crossover of a bunch of series, and how helping the characters from each worlds to find their way back to their home worlds related to his current situation. He described it as being nice and having a crutch to that topic, treating his ex nicely while getting her to move out related into the game.
It helped him escape thoughts, for me it melded with me well.
At the time schizophrenia was a big research for me, the way voices and images in your head could come to life or cause you to see the unrealistic. A feature that one of the characters in the game suffered with from dungeon to dungeon (as that’s how the game is set up, it’s a dungeon fighter Tactical RPG).
Every time you’d step into something she’d basically fray apart and see stuff.
This was relocatable to me, I struggled to see how she’d fix to only find out it was her power.
This had helped me somewhat to cope, I’m not yet done with the game and from the lengthy hours the games asks for I think I’m going to push forward with it more and more in my free time.

I’d discussed always trying to talk about music. Here’s what I have for anyone wanting a new record to chase or listen to.

Jimmy Eat World – Static Prevails

This record for sure comes from 1990’s Punk, maybe even some Emo though I hate when this term is abused.
“Thinking, That’s All” Is such a strong starting track, coming off and making me feel close by sorta describing the relationship with my anxiety, “There’s no pride in seconds lost” summing up a relationship with myself, a worthless relationship that has suffocated you. Into this mind mesh, something you’ve tried walking away from but you never feel like you get far without it.
Anxiety can be helpful, right? The whole cautiousness of people, I think it helps decipher people that trigger this.
Dude, then “Call It In The Air” kicks so hard… It’s basically a coin toss song that you have to take however you can, not much to say on much else.
I feel the album is more so a personal discovery of meaning, but check it out.

Thanks for reading this post, but please check out my other stuff! I’m trying to get to daily blogging, I know I’ll maybe miss a day and I’m sorry for that ahead of time, thanks!

Why, what did I do? 1/20/2018


I wanna mark this down like a page, event, or like the agendas in school they’d give you to write down bookmarks for certain classes.
You know maybe, just maybe, I need one again. As like a daily logger.

I’d like one, maybe Amazon can make that happen.

So I assume you look at the title of this and wonder what’s going on, if that’s the case let me first elaborate as to why I’ve given up in life, quit, killed myself socially, and haven’t posted on here.
If you read a bunch of my stuff you’d see that I rant on and on about the nasty fucks on the internet who harass people who personally broadcast to gain a crowd, talk about depression, issues, etc. If I haven’t made it clear, I’m fucking sick of it.

I use YouNow maybe once every once in a blue moon to talk to some people and vent, search up some stuff on Reddit. If you’re curious, r/gamecollecting, I use this as my social outlet more now. A crowd of my own you could say, I love retro games, I love PlayStation, & Nintendo and want to share my love of all the things I find that represent my childhood.

I have come to hate being around people even more than I normally used to, why? Simply put people are only out for their own gains.
I do however still have a small select group of friends I prefer to talk to, but they’re literally the only people who hear a single peep from me these days, otherwise I assist in some work for side money to help garnish small things I want and to keep my mind out of the shit pit that is the world these days.

Video games have been my main escape, that and then these really slow walks I like to take to enjoy a few albums when I feel I want to do something while listening but that’s about it.

Lately internet has mattered much to me, but it’s been shitty.
Literally every time I use it it’s been odd or just acting funky maybe because the damn router is about seven years old at this point. I mean at least I can still download my games but fuck it’s nowhere near what it used to be.

I’ve been a little upset lately with not being able to connect to some calls and that sorta shit, I mean I barely use my damn phone except to test a few Android customization apps.
Why? I’m asking anyone, if you’re out there, you watching, reading listening, or feel that you hate me, I ask why… What have I done.
I’m just asking anyone because I’d like an answer, literally all I do these days are work a bit, go on YouNow every once in a while, and I’m pretty easy to follow. I stay around the came corner of the internet I always have. I report and argue with creeps on YouNow because a lot of them are totally fucking brainless. You go looking through the top streamers, on your way trying to find a friend or find someone to watch you find a fucked up guy saying nasty shit to someone, call them out, then they call you a hypocrite, why?
No logic.
I just feel that too many people let things fly these days and won’t take the time to report people that are being nasty, weird, creeps, and the like.
Really though, this is why I ask. It’s just like my old forum posting days when I was getting into audio and wanted to make it a hobby I was the same way, constantly trying to learn about sound and spent my time constantly lurking around to socialize with people who could educate me.

TimeSplitters Portal days were great, unfortunately I believe the servers never got renewed so this site expired, shut down, something of the sort.
But jeez man, sad days sad days for sure. I remember being on there from ages fifteen to twenty four, if not longer!
Learning about all the great discoveries of the game, seeing old devs from the development team popping up out of the blue and telling us their experiences before Crytek eventually took over. At the time Crytek weren’t known for being the best company but holy shit! They have nailed out some classics since they’ve been around. Even if it doesn’t appeal to anyone, after Crysis eventually died I learned a lot about it and why it was so great. At the time it reminded me of Far Cry though.

I don’t get it, but eh, maybe you’ll see what I mean from a third person.

I’m gonna do longer blog posts for now on to update you guys easier on me.
I’m gonna do them in sessions and how I feel, retro games, & then one album I’ve been listening to.

Retro Game Sectiom

SSX On Tour – Nintendo GameCube

So I’ve recently I guess a few months back hacked my Wii, with that I’ve been going back and for some reason trying to experience all the SSX Games I missed.
I wanna talk about SSX On Tour for the Nintendo GameCube (Best version in my opinion!).
Anyone ever just play a game to get lost in adventure, sweep your mind away, relieve you.
SSX On Tour while not being the most perfect game, sheesh. It’s aggravating that you can’t pull off as many crazy things as you could in the past but something about these games and almost how real they feel in the sense of a ‘Non Realistic Snowboarding Mind Paradigm’. I get sucked in by the snow, for some odd reason, just not having grown up with it as much as others, playing a game based on that, pulling off whacked out tricks, and nailing dream gaps seems to be an amazing thing for me. This is truly a classic in the series, contrary to other opinions.
I fear the day I actually get to Snowboard, this game will be the reason for my death. It’s some mesmerizing in its tricks it makes you wanna do these things in real life.
If you guys have a hacked PlayStation 3, or Nintendo Wii please give this a go.

Last game I’d like to discuss is
Rumble Racing – PlayStation 2
While I was in a little town in Florida visiting family I stopped by a retro game store, Dusty’s Oldies & Goodies to see what they had as far as retro gaming went.
Before the trip I’d made a small wishlist of things I’d wanted to pick up and little known to me did I think I’d finally get to play the game I’ve been waiting for for the longest time.
Rumble Racing is the second half of NASCAR Rumble, a little PlayStation 1 hidden gem that has all too often been overlooked.
This game brings together a few tracks from the original, but didn’t improve on graphics much in my opinion which I never minded. I enjoy that old PlayStation 1 vibe with some visual enhancements.
I’m not sure if it’s the mindlessness of the game, the swift yet fast gameplay, the stages of cars, or any of that that really pulls the mind strings to make me enjoy this, better yet I think it was the fact that I was choking on not being able to find this for the longest time.
It doesn’t quite stand up to my expectations I’d have expected for a predecessor game because of it’s repetitive nature,but this game is truly a game to get down one night, drink with your friends, and constantly piss each other off with crazy power-ups, and nail biting races.
Please DO pick this up.

This is my album I’ve been hooked on recently.
Bluetile Lounge – Lowercase
I have dealt with anxiety, depression, & the constant need to never wanna exist anymore, a lot of it due to negativity, a lot of it from not being happy with the way my life has kicked itself off.
I get an aching crutch from this record, Wriding being the opening song, these lyrics are me
“And they said
That I’m holding
On my door

Come, come back

Toke my love
Toke my freedom
You, my love
You, my reason”

They sum me up in the that I always feel when I wanna say fuck it and end it… I’m getting a little sickened and saddened just typing, but someone pulling on the thought of you and your effect on their life.
He talks about holding a horses name tight, which just comes off to me as not being able to let go of something, life maybe? Not too sure.
To me it feels like so, sums me up, and… I-I feel pains of my life when I listen to this.

This record is from an era when Grunge met a more slower pace and created a crowd of people who appreciate music called Slowcore.
Please do give this a listen, it’d mean the world to me.

I’m gonna wrap this up by saying whatever is consuming me, or fucking with me please, back off… Leave me be. I just wanna finish life somehow actually enjoying myself, with the hope that someone will see this, listen, understand and care, thank you.

Protest: Social Media


This picture pretty much sums up how I’ve been feeling the past few days, trying to get someones attention but ain’t nobody listenin’!

I’m posting this to ask people to report YouNow, & all other Live Social apps like Chatous, Live Broadcaster, & others that allow an open community of mixed ages to join.
Why am I asking for this? I’m sick of it, I’m sick of watching girls, & others get abused by arabs, creeps, weirdos, & guys just trying to drop their fly to something that is supposed to be used for sociability.
I’ve reported several hundreds of people but I feel like I have to try and get more people to see this in order to actually make a movement to clear the internet of this.

If Social Media is going to go from dating profiles, & Facebook’s to Live Broadcasting, there needs to be people to actually stand up and prevent the abuse of it.
The same thing that happened to Tumblr, I got followed by creeps who harassed people in The Sims 4 Custom Content Community, eventually we had to gang up and get everyone to check messaged and report profiles that were hitting on them or trying to get their attention.
I don’t wanna see this!
I wanna see progression, because if we’re going to be social, do it the right way or go elsewhere because you aren’t needed.

Thanks for reading this, hopefully people will see my message and respond accordingly to make progress.

Removal Of Free Things, It’s Safer

What the heck…
FetLife is shit, it’s become a cesspit of creeps, dead to the internet
That’s when you begin to notice that the internet is getting sad.

Protest this damn site, I was once okay with a play for people to share their freedom to have an interest in something personal, my mind now changed.

When you give someone too much freedom they tend to abuse it the way this shit pile has been, it’s now just come to the way of I want it gone.

People, I understand you want a place to share these types of things, but I think maybe these days to avoid the costs of any random persons these days getting in and ruining things the internet should charge us for more.
People should have to pay at least $3 for this kind of thing so it’s not infested by the way the internet has gone these days.

I did rewrite this, change this up, and I stand by my views on this sort of thing, I think we people should be willing to put a price on something like this and support the fact that someone created a foundation to share these sort of interests, it’s fair.
Someone makes something for you, paying for it is a thank you and not a free ticket for anyone.

The Poison Of Game Collectors


I wanted to bitch for a minute about the stupid fucking cock riding ass hats in the Game Collecting world.
We have these people who expect too much from people.

Ever think that Sonic game you got tired of would get bought when your mom sold all your old stuff for some spare house change?
Guess what!?
There’s a fuckwad ass dick trying to score $50 on Amazon for it because even though something doesn’t retain its value, THEY EXPECT IT!

Literally, the prices in the game collecting scene are made up.
I’m sorry to tell you! But they’re all fake prices.

Why do I use the PSP as a reference picture? I’m a Sony enthusiast and know value, I research, & I’m also a geek on the controller boards for the system alone.
I can say right now though, that Jak & Daxter game you fuckers wants $40 used for, guess what? It’s value is still retained at $11! Holy shit! Did you not know this? Shocker!

There’s really moronic people that don’t notice their games are gonna sit on websites for ages, and they usually do!
Yet these dick sucks are so stuck up that they’ll tell you their games sell 24/7 just to convince you to pay that price.

How about false advertising on eBay?
Not long ago I was looking for a fighting pad just for some PlayStaton 3 Beat em’ ups style action, you know? Makes fighters more fun.
I ran into a dildo that knew they PlayStation 3 was the main console and that Xbox has had shitty sales, so what does this waste of space do?
He puts up a gamepad for $50 and asks for $40 Shipping.
The important thing, he had an Xbox pad tagged as a PlayStation 3 pad and refused to believe it.

I just wanted to vent, because it’s this stupidity that’s going to forever ruin the value of retro game playing, & collecting.
Go ahead, keep it up dick blows.
Wait until that fighting pad is worth on $10 and you’re not making shit.
That being said, fix this fucking community.